The paladin that just can’t get the ladies


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Our party is full of some very interesting characters. There’s the barbarian/druid water genasi with a double personality(one for the barbarian and one for the druid), an aarakocra monk that gets easily seasick(and we’re in a island hopping campaign), a hafling ranger(the most normal of all of us) who was formally a squad captain, a shy tiefling bard(my character), and a silver dragonborn that is the paladin of a trickster god.

 Now this paladin is a drinker, and every city he goes to he tries to pick up chicks. In one city we went to, he broke off from the rest of the party to go to the red light district to have a good time. He ended up blowing a lot of his money getting absolutely wasted and only got a couple of lap dances. Frustrated about not getting any action he stumbled into the tavern we were in, where we had been wondering where he had gone, and ended up starting a big tavern brawl. The ranger joined the city guard in breaking it up, and let them take ten percent of the paladin’s gold when they knocked him out and locked him up. The ranger then made it his duty to keep the paladin out of trouble when we’re in town.

The paladin’s crowning achievement in his shenanigans(though there will probably be many more to come) happened in our most recent session.

In order to reach the next island, we need a boat, and a dragonborn boatmaker offered to take us if we help him find his son. No problem. So he takes us by boat to the city his son had been in when he had last heard from him and we go to the tavern to ask around. The paladin decides to ditch the ranger so he can hook up with some ladies and claims he is going to the bathroom. The ranger decides he has to be accompanied to keep out of trouble, so he and his npc follower accompany the paladin to the bathroom and keep watch.

Determined to escape the ranger, the paladin strips down to his boxers and attemps to climb out the bathroom window. Being that he’s a big dragonborn though, he gets stuck. Not one to give up, he uses his strength to try and force his big body through the window. He succeeds and breaks a hole in the bathroom wall. As soon as he’s out he makes a run for it and the ranger and his npc give chase.

You’d think a basically naked silver dragonborn running through the streets in broad daylight would be easy to find, and you’d be right. The paladin gets cornered by the ranger and his follower(after flirting with two girls, the first unsuccessfully and the second successfully), and they try to grab him. They aren’t as strong as the paladin though, so he escapes and they lose him. The paladin then nabs himself a good pair of clothes as he runs past a stall and makes his way to the nearest brothel. Upon getting there though, he remembers that he left all his money in the barbarian’s care so he wouldn’t waste it all. He then slinks off to try and find some quick cash.

Unsure of what to do at this point, the ranger and his follower head off to stake out the nearest brothel in the hopes of catching the paladin. They hide themselves in the alleys(the follower turning himself invisible with a once-a-day ability he recently got) and wait. The ranger ends up being approached by some ladies from the brothel, and ends up having to run from them in order to stay faithful to his wife and kids waiting back home.

Meanwhile, the paladin decides he’s going to steal from a nearby house, given his background as a thief. The first window he peeks in though contains a half-orc man in the middle of undressing(who turns out to be the shopkeeper the druid and I meet later in our search for info on the son we’re supposed to be finding), so he backs out and decides to try something else. He ends up coming across a male strip club that’s hiring. He was almost offered a job too, when the ranger’s follower(who had decided to look around town while invisible) releases his invisiblity and grabs the paladin. They duke it out for a bit before the follower punches the paladin in the gut, giving him enough time to grab his magic stun stick and whack the paladin with it in the groin, putting him out of commission. 

When the ranger showed up, they stripped him of the stolen clothes and dragged him back to the tavern where he had to repay the barkeep for the damaged bathroom, and the barbarian refused to give him back the rest of his money. During that entire thing, the druid and I managed to find all the information we needed for our search, snag a date with the half-orc shopkeep for the druid/barbarian, and the monk had a good time dancing to the music in the tavern.


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